A night visit from the liquor licensing inspectors

I am a man who normally suffers from good health, but on this particular evening I had a muscle in spasm in one leg. Every two minutes it was going off like an elastic band, and causing me not inconsiderable pain.

I had tried the doctor, who had suggested "gin and a hot bath" to try to relax the muscle. Though I enjoyed several large G&T's and a long hot bath, the muscle remained twitching away. It was because of this that we had closed the hotel for the evening, and the building was therefore in darkness on a winters evening, when our son saw two cars draw up outside.

The hotel was in the country, and there was nothing else around, therefore it was strange to see two cars there, outside a darken building. Four people decanted themselves from the vehicles and rang the front door bell, even though we were obviously closed. My wife, with some trepidation, went to the door. They informed her they were licensing magistrates from the local licensing court, and were there to check that we were complying with the conditions of our liquor licence.

My wife said, that we were closed, and that I was in bed with a gammy leg. These worthy denizens of the free democracy that we live in, insisted in entering the building never-the-less. At hat hour of the evening there is no way that Chris could check that they were bona fide, nor could she check that they had a legal right of entry

Now nobody had complained that we were breaching the terms of our liquor licence, there was not a sniff of hoards of underage drinkers, there was no suggestion that we were having all night parties, nobody thought we were conducting orgies, but these magistrates still insisted on entering a closed hotel on a dark evening after 8pm, in order to "inspect" it. Even though my wife was effectively alone and intimidated.

After they left I complained to the court about these Stasi like activities. Far from being apologetic, the clerk of the court wrote back to say that they would sue me for libel if I did not withdraw the parallel with the East German secret police.

I sometimes think that the East German secret police could have learnt a thing or two from these people. Most people in Britain think their home is their castle, maybe it is, as long as you do not try to run it as a hotel


                            And if you want to stay in a nice hotel by the sea in Cornwall, Corisande Manor Hotel, Cornwall

                                                                                                       Corisande Manor Hotel, Newquay, Cornwall

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