The dog, the Rolls Royce or the bird - your choice, sir!
One sunny winter's day, someone made a reservation for "the best room in the house" with "champagne on ice", "oh, and by the way, do you take dogs?"
The answer is that we do take dogs, but not in the best room in the house. The caller was advised that we could offer them the best room with champagne and minus dog, or a standard room with both champagne and dog. He decided to take the best room without the dog
The following afternoon he arrives with shiny new Rolls Royce car, very pretty considerably younger lady - and dog. The receptionist told him politely that we did not allow dogs in the best rooms. And after a deal of bluster he withdrew the dog to the car, took the bird to the bedroom and informed the receptionist that he would "take the matter up with the proprietor"
Well, we went through dinner that evening, and the dog was not mentioned. However at 10pm I was sitting at the front desk when he went out to the car park, and returned with the dog tucked under his arm, and without a word walks past me and up the stairs towards his bedroom.
"Excuse me - sir - but we did tell you both when you made the reservation, and when you arrived, that dogs were not allowed in that room" I then got an earful from himself about the fact that the dog had stayed in better hotels than mine, a sentiment that did little to make me alter my mind. The dog was the most perfectly behaved animal one could imagine- we have heard that one before. After the bluster from him came the threats, unless we let the dog into the room, he would leave. "Certainly sir, we fully understand"
At this point he realised that he would have to go up to the room and tell the bird that they were leaving that little love nest for pastures unknown, and at ten at night. Bluster turned to doubt "I'll never get another room at this time of night" "No problem, the is a big hotel nearby that always has rooms. It may not be as nice, but they do take dogs" I reached for the phone.
He paled at this stage, and doubt turned to fear. I then found out his dilemma. On the one hand a very attractive young lady was waiting upstairs for him, quaffing chilled champagne. On the other he would have to leave the dog in the car, and the car was a brand new (smell the leather) Rolls Royce, and the dog was not in fact the most well behaved cur in Britain, it would, he admitted to me, run riot in the car overnight, chew the leather, scratch the dashboard, do things on the carpet.
This revelation confirmed my own view that the dog would not be allowed in the room. The hapless Rolls Royce owner stood there, his features showing strain as he balanced to delights of the lady upstairs against the damage that the dog would cause in the new car.
Readers will be relieved to hear that the lady won. The dog was kennelled in the car, and the dogs owner went up to his bedroom to enjoy the fruits of his sacrifice