Skip the food, give me the coffee and cigarettes
We have recently had an American couple staying - all right, I know you think me biased, and that it had to be an American couple if I was poking fun at them. It was a mother staying with her grown up daughter. And although they liked, or at least appeared to like, our food, they ate very little of it.
Each evening they would forego the soup course, have one starter shared between the two of them, share one main course, and share one pudding. During their stay Chris gave them smaller and smaller helpings as what little we gave them was never eaten completely. I was a bit worried at what our other guests would think if they spied these minuscule portions being served.
But there were two things that went down well with mother, these were coffee and cigarettes. She arrived early for breakfast every day, having already had two cups of coffee and a cigarette, in order to get aboard more coffee. Breakfast apart from that was a thin feast. Broken only by several disappearances from the dining room for a smoke break.
At dinner the shared courses were punctuated by mother leaving the dining room in order to partake of another cigarette. The diet was sometimes pepped up with a glass of whisky before dinner, followed by coffee, of course, after dinner.
They stayed nearly two weeks, and, I think, enjoyed their holiday with us in Cornwall. But in the course of those two weeks, although thousands of cigarettes and gallons of coffee were consumed, they appeared not to have eaten more in two weeks than a normal customer would have eaten in two days.
Just before they left I discovered something that they would eat - chocolate, in any form. I guess chocolate goes with whisky, coffee and cigarettes as recipe for healthy living